They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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