No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
