you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize