he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
