I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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