We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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