I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
