whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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