I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
