And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
