I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
