i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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