I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
