Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
