Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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