I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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