i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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