I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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