I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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