it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize