I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
