my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
