i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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