I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
