hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
