They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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