I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
