I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
