all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize