So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
