I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
