is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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