I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize