I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
