so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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