Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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