Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize