I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i will never coherently bang her
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
