I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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