every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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