my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
