i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
