party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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