Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
