I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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