Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
