she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
