A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
