College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
