Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
