there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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