Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
