literally had 100 drinks last night.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
That's how pantless uber rides happen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
