This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
