she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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