What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
