Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
