his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
