I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
