When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's always time for handjobs
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
