can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
