i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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