I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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