Nicole vs. Life
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
