If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
