I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize