well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
