Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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