I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
