I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize