Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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