New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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