I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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