I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
