you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
