I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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