somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
