If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
