My sheets look like a crime scene.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
