Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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