i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
