I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You pole danced in your parka.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
