Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
