Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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