no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
