you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
