My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
