Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
