He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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