its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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