I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
