I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
