A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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