If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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