Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
