there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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