Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
