We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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