Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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