i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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