Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize